If "Lean In" Is Career Sprinting; This Is Career Yoga

I am much more of a intense cardio person than a yoga person. I need to exercise/exorcise my stress, anger, anxiety, and heartbreaks as intensely as possible. To force it out of my body via physical exertion.

But there was a time in my life -- like all self-respecting Californians-- when yoga played a really crucial role in my sanity, wellness, and ability to function.

It started when I was pregnant with Alice, my oldest daughter, some 15 years ago. Jane Austin is a prenatal yoga teacher in San Francisco and an absolute legend. It was my first experience regularly going to yoga, and my first experience with the idea of taking what you learn on the mat into your life.

At the beginning of each class we had to do this terribly painful arm work, mostly consisting of holding your arms above shoulder length for ten minutes that felt like forty. We did it because shoulder and rotator cuff injuries are the most common when you have a newborn, and she wanted us prepared for that physically. But also because we needed to practice being able to breathe through the I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE of being a new mom.

As my marriage was breaking up, Pando was scaling, and I was a mother of two kids under two, I relied on yoga even more, now with a new teacher, Estee Fletter, who also became a good friend. She had an incredible class from 8:30-10 pm in the Mission two nights a week that was crucial for my wellness and at least sleeping twice a week.

Estee once opened a class with stories of Kali, the most ferocious of Hindu goddesses, when I was particularly in a terrible season of my divorce. It changed how I thought of how I could walk through that time in my life in a lasting way.

And then I went back to Soul Cycle, running, hiking and all the other high-caloric output exercises. Yoga was a thing in my past. But the things I learned about breathing through discomfort, for example, stayed in me forever.

Fast-forward to October 2024. I was at a conference helping sell books for Kim Scott. I was being slightly bratty about it. I had a lot of other things to do. And to be honest, sometimes I'm like, "Isn't this below my pay grade?" Especially since I don't actually get paid by the bookstore.

My friend Adimika Arthur who is one of the most senior women in Medicaid in the country and used to run hospitals and work at the CDC came to sell books with me so at least there'd be two unpaid, overqualified booksellers there.

I looked down the line and saw a blast from my reporter past-- Kamini Ramani. She was surprised I remembered her, but anyone who has met Kamini never forgets her. Her charm, her humor, her swagger, the way she will just talk you into things. . .

I was half in the chaos of selling books and half small talking to her. I understood she was working on a book.

Yep. Uh huh.

Something about successful Indian women in tech.

Oh, nice!

"There are all of these women who have been extremely successful and no one has told their stories."

Ok. Cool cool.

Whenever people describe books to me I start to visualize where– if anywhere– they'd go in our store and who would buy them. And TBH, this was a, "Oh yeah, we'll buy a copy or two and put it on the social issues shelf with all the LGBTQ, women and anti-racism books. Sounds great and it'll be awesome for just the right young women starting their careers who come in the shop."

Didn't think it'd necessarily blow the doors off the hinges. But writing books is a transformational life experience, and I was excited she was writing one.

And then she said the thing about the goddesses. And my world stopped.

"These women have all built their careers using the traits of the five main Hindu goddesses...."

All of those dormant moments of wisdom from the mat during the most trying years of my life flared up in my bones. I imagined Kamini telling me the story of each deity, and what they meant and how they could help guide my career in a totally different way.

The way Jane had used arm torture that later helped me find peace flying cross country with a crying baby. The way Estee summoned the visual of Kali during the bowels of my divorce, to suggest being a fierce warrior ripping the heads of her enemies and getting drunk on their blood, not a victim.

I just thought: What would the career equivalent of that wisdom be?

Yoga for your career.

The room stopped for what was probably 2 seconds, but felt like longer. I definitely stopped selling books. Adimika looked at me, and took the Square out of my hand.

"Will that be just one copy?" she said to the person in front of me, doing a head nod at Kamini, and looking at me like just go, girl, I got this.

You know where I saw that future book now in my mind's eye of a store-- even though I knew nothing else about it at that moment?

A big display by the register. And I saw it not only selling to business people, but I saw every single bachelorette party who came to Palm Springs leaving with copies of it. Because THAT is what we all-- not just women-- need in this moment when we're wondering how much of what we're doing is because we want to or because we've been gaslit by capitalism to think it's what we want. I could see the Sarah-card based on just that.

I turned to Kamini just as she was saying some early feedback was that the subject matter might be too niche and said, "I would love to help you with this. Will you send me what you have so far?"

***

That started a year-long collaboration that was one of my favorite things I've ever done professionally. The book got a world class agent and sold at auction in an awesome deal to Harper Business.

The book is finally out in October-- two years after that moment!-- and I cannot wait for you all to read it. You can order it from my store now. (Or anywhere!) And if you want Kamini to come do a workshop at your company or organization, I'm sure she would. (Feel free to message and I'll connect you. Personally, I think she should teach some sort of adjunct class at Stanford on this.)

I have not seen a framework this different for women since Getting to 50/50 or Lean In. You can criticize them, but they did say new things at the time. But here's how Lotus Leadership is boldly different: Lean In works for a lot of people of a certain type, a certain demographic, a certain educational background or extroverted style in certain industries. But it's not fun. You gotta work longer and harder than men. You gotta deal with a lot of sh*t.

It's career running. You may lose weight by pure calorie burn but you'll be exhausted, burned out, and may blow out your knees getting to your goal.

Career yoga is completely different.

I remember once Adam Grant telling me, "I think nothing has replaced Lean In in terms of being a bestseller because while a lot of people complain about it, it mostly works for people."

"Well, that and Sheryl Sandberg has a lot of friends who bought massive bulks, and gets huge amounts of earned media, tons of speaking gigs all over the world that sell bulks and uh Facebook probably bought 10,000 copies," I added at the time. . .

But, still, it's a fair point. It does work for a lot of people, because that is how many women have been making success work when they have. Overworking, not taking a break when they have a baby, barging up and getting a seat at the table even if they're called a b*tch, and trying their damndest to get their partner to do the f*cking laundry even if takes sharing surveys showing they are more likely to have more sex if they do.

But does that really work for most people? Well no. Because look at gender equity. And look at who benefitted most from affirmative action: White women. Obviously it doesn't.

This is a book about immigrant women coming to America with nothing and making it-- making it to outrageous success. It starts from a different place entirely. And while yes, they were high caste born and educated, the principles of how they made it are wildly different. This is not a book that gives you the same tired roadmap with new metaphors.

Just one difference: Almost all of these women in this book took a break from their careers to focus on motherhood for a time. And were not derailed. The conventional wisdom-- the statistics we all fear-- were wrong for them.

Why? Because later their husbands took a break, or took a slower paced job for a similar amount of time, so that the wives could again be the hard charging one again. I won't spoil more, but the model of partnership in the Parvati section is radically different than how White and Western women have been trying to get ahead.

There is time for breathing. There is balance.

This book is incredible. It can set women free to succeed but not be slaves to the rigidity and pressure cookers Western capitalism if they let it.

***

Just a note: I do not at all want to overstate my contribution. This is Kamini's book through and through. She always generously described what we had as "alchemy." She's written a little about it here. It was different at different points. I don't know how other collaborative writers work, but I like to think of myself as a "room of requirement."

Sometimes I'm writing, sometimes I'm editing, sometimes I'm a therapist (because books are an intense emotional rollercoaster!), sometimes I'm a dealmaker, sometimes I'm a marketer, sometimes I'm giving you the cold, hard facts as a bookseller.

To Kamini, I'll always also be a friend.

Trusting someone with a book is a huge deal, and I never take it lightly. If I don't think I can help, I won't say yes. (And by the way, I have a few hours a week freeing up for a few months while some proposals go out. . .there's a waitlist, but I mention in case anyone has a SUPER COMPELLING project. . .they've been known to skip the line)

If you are fortunate enough to be able to hire a team, take time to get the right one. And I don't mean me. I'm probably the exact wrong person for many people. I mean for you. But also, there are a lot of lousy people in this business. Ask around. Collaborative writers, agents, even editors aren't created equally.

I have a friend whose book is coming out in July, and I have no doubt it will be a bestseller. But it's not been as smooth sailing as it should have been. The timing could not have been better for them; the topic could not be more in demand; and their book is fantastic. (I didn't work on it, so I'm not bragging! I wish I had!)

But they didn't have the best team, and often that team wasn't always working in the author's best interest, and it shows. It pisses me off when I see it. When we ALL work in a book's best interest, it all helps us. We can be selfless and selfish at the same time.

How do you know if your team is working in your interest? Do you feel like the talent when they talk to you? Do you feel like everyone is working for what is in the books's best interest? At the end of the day do you feel like the client? Or do you feel like a product?

Anyway, Please go preorder this incredible book. If you have a bookclub, suggest they read it. If you have an employee resource group at work, suggest they do an event with Kamini. The goddess stories that begin each section alone are worth the price!

I remember when my last book came out, my favorite review said that Sheryl (via her book) was like the perfect older sister who you looked up to but never felt you could measure up to and couldn't disappoint. Me (via my book) was the still successful but in a hot-mess-way sister you could be real with, you could call when you were drunk or had screwed up, and she'd help you out of it and not judge.

Kamini (via this book) is the no-nonsense Indian auntie we've all secretly wanted in our corner.